Great Communication Skills Equal Greater Success in Life
The Little Social Graces — Part II
Thanks for all the great feedback from last week's article on handshaking and the tips for remembering people's names. Seems I'm not the only one who realizes it's important to teach children these skills in order to be successful in their lives.
The next question I'd like to tackle is: How the heck do we teach our kids how to communicate with others, especially in this world of Ipods, Blackberries, Blueberries, Raspberries (oh, sorry...got carried away with the berry thing:-), computers, cell phones and texting, etc?
I'm on the fence about whether all these new-fangled electronic communication tools make our communication with each other better or worse. And maybe those aren't the right adjectives either. Perhaps it's a matter of 'how' they have changed our communication that is the deeper contemplation.
Take your average 14 year old. (I have access to a few so this is easy for me.) If they have access to a cell phone of some sort, and their parents have made it so that texting is financially painless for them, they seem to do this all day long. They seem to send messages just to send them. My experience is that they are communicating more but the actual quality of their communication as a whole is fairly low on the meaningful scale. 
I can't even begin to know all the short phrases like ROFL, BFF, SAL and SNERT*, but for some reason they are known by kids the world over who have access to anything with a keyboard.
The question is, however, 'Can they actually communicate in person?' They SEEM to be able to but I'm not sure. It seems the further we get into the age of electronic communication, the more I hear about kids and parents not being able to talk to each other (I mean more so than usual) and kids not being able to communicate with their teachers and finally, I have noticed that kids don't really know how to 'connect' on many levels with other kids as I did when I was young.
So, how exactly DO we teach all our kids to communicate openly, honestly and professionally with others?
The first answer is, as always, that you have to show them by setting an example so they can watch and learn. As I say in my book, The Ultimate Allowance, we all learn three primary ways: by what we see, by what we hear and by what we experience. Learning how to communicate successfully is no different.
Our children are learning by watching us communicate, listening to how we communicate and from the experiences we're providing for them in terms of communicating with them and having them communicate with others.
If your kids watch you have open, honest conversations (without fighting, blaming, complaining, guilt-throwing, nagging, etc.) with your employees, employers, spouses, significant others, family members and strangers, they will be more likely to emulate you in their own communications with others.
Next, plan time on a regular basis for you to just sit and talk with your kids. Notice I said 'with', not 'to'. This is really important. Kids, and many adults I meet, seem to just talk to talk. I always think that somewhere in their past they haven't had anyone really listen to them and help them feel validated and alive. So, listen to your kids. Have an actual discussion with them about something 'they' are interested in and please don't have to be 'right.' After all, there really is no actually right. Just your right and other people's right and our children really are other people.
I want to share something with you that I'm observing right this minute. I'm actually on a plane from Los Angeles to Redmond, Oregon to visit my family now that our summer camps and private programs are all finished (yeah!). There is a young couple with a one year old boy (and he's a BIG boy at that). Dad has been playing with him quite successfully and the little boy was enjoying the heck out of the games (hide and seek, find the necklace, you get the idea). All of a sudden, the Dad pulls out a portable DVD player and two headphones and hooks he and the baby up to the whole thing. I'm not sure what type of communication style this is setting up for the boy in the future but I'm sure it's something.
Anyway, enough contemplating the social ramification of DVD viewing at age one...
Another great way to teach your child about communicating is by taking classes or courses in great communication skills yourself. I can tell you that some of the best tips on communicating with others I have been taught; I was not born with them:
1) Listen more and talk less. Most people spend the majority of the time someone else is speaking thinking about what they are going to say next. Listen to hear, then take a moment to reflect in silence and then respond to the other person. This style makes for much open and honest communication. Remember, silence IS golden and that's where the miracles happen.
2) Ask lots of questions to get to know the person and develop rapport and connection with that person. Find commonalities that will bind you now and in the future.
3) It's better to be interested than interesting.
4) People don't care what you know, they want to know that you care.
I know you've heard these sayings before, and no doubt you have pondered them in your own communication style with others. Teach them to your children. Type them up and print out on colorful paper (11 x 17 is great), let your children (depending on their ages) color them in, add pictures, etc. and then place them on your walls, in their bedrooms, in your hallway. Ask your children what they think about the sayings?
I hope this gives you a little fodder with which to help your children learn to communicate with others. It is my own experience that the better communicator I become, the happier and more connected with others I feel. And don't we all want to be happier and feel connected with others on a deeper, more meaningful level?
Now go schedule your next communication lesson with your kids (or other family members). Your entire family will be happy you did.
*ROFL (rolling on the floor laughing), BFF (best friends forever), SAL (such a laugh), and my favorite, SNERT (snot-nosed egotistical rude teenager). |
Elisabeth Donati (aka Miss E) is CEO of Creative Wealth Intl., LLC, a company devoted to empowering individuals of all ages with the tools and information they need to be responsible for themselves and the world. 
